Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough: Reflections on Parenting, Trauma, and Healing

I recently had the opportunity to be interviewed on the Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough: Parenting Through Challenges podcast with host Angie Grandt. The conversation was such a meaningful space to share my story, my journey as a Latina psychologist in NYC, and the work I now do with parents, families, and cycle-breakers who are trying to rewrite their stories.

In this blog, I want to reflect on some of the key themes we discussed: how my background shaped my career, what I’ve learned from working with children and families, and why intergenerational healing and community matter so deeply for Latinx mental health.

From Children to Parents: Shifting the Focus

I grew up watching my mother, who was a correctional counselor at Rikers Island, lead substance abuse groups and dedicate herself to her clients. I often saw her former clients approach her in our neighborhood, excited to share their progress. From a young age, I knew I wanted to make that kind of difference.

I initially trained in child psychology and worked closely with children in foster care. But what I discovered in that work was profound: if I wanted to make the biggest impact, I needed to focus on parents. Supporting parents meant not only helping them navigate their own histories but also transforming how they showed up for their children. That shift eventually led me to specialize in perinatal mental health and begin my private practice, where I now support families during pregnancy, postpartum, and other major life transitions.

Nested Mentalization: Holding Space Across Generations

One of the most powerful frameworks I learned early in my career was nested mentalization: the idea that when a therapist holds space for a parent, that parent is better able to hold space for their child. And the child, in turn, learns to hold their inner world more compassionately.

I witnessed this firsthand with families in foster care. When parents felt seen and understood in therapy, they often reflected that same understanding back to their children. The ripple effect was tangible. It reminded me of something I carry into all of my work now: love is necessary, but without support, reflection, and repair, love alone isn’t always enough.

Family Lineage and the Roots of My Work

During training, I was asked to complete a genogram — a family tree that maps relationships and patterns. That exercise helped me realize that my interest in complex trauma wasn’t just academic. It was rooted in my own family story.

My family came from Puerto Rico to New York under difficult circumstances. My grandmother became a widow at a young age, moved her children to the mainland for support, and carried the weight of tremendous hardship. Violence, substance abuse, and unhealed trauma were part of my family’s reality.

Looking back, I understand that my fascination with lineage work, especially maternal lineage, is tied to these histories. The women in my family carried so much, often without being held themselves. That realization deepened my commitment to breaking cycles and to helping others do the same.

Intergenerational Trauma and Systemic Realities

In the episode, we explored how trauma doesn’t just live in individuals. It is carried through families, systems, and even in our bodies. For communities of color, much of what is passed down isn’t spoken but is still felt.

I shared how liberation psychology helps me frame this work. It asks us to consider not just individual struggles but the historical and systemic forces shaping our lives. Oppression, racism, and colonization don’t just disappear. They echo through family systems, shaping parenting, identity, and belonging.

At the same time, I find it empowering to remember that resilience is also inherited. Our ancestors passed down survival strategies and strengths that carried them through impossible circumstances. Sometimes those strategies need reshaping in the present, but they are evidence of profound resilience.

Parenting in the In-Between

We also spoke about the complexity of parenting in foster care and beyond. Children often find themselves living between two families — navigating love, loyalty, and conflicting messages. Parents, foster parents, and children all carry unique grief in those dynamics.

In my own practice, I often work with parents who say, “I don’t want to repeat the cycle, but I don’t know what the alternative looks like.” That is some of my favorite work: supporting parents in imagining and building a new family culture when they’ve never had it modeled for them. It is hard, vulnerable work. But it is also deeply transformative.

Breaking Cycles Without Shame

One of the points I tried to emphasize is that parenting is filled with shame — society is quick to blame parents when something goes wrong. My approach is grounded in dialectical thinking: you are doing the best you can, and you can also do better. Both are true.

This mindset helps take the weight of judgment off parents’ shoulders while still encouraging growth. It invites curiosity about family patterns, rather than criticism. Tools like genograms can help parents see where behaviors came from and make intentional choices about what to carry forward and what to leave behind.

The Importance of Community and Connection

Finally, we talked about the role of community. Parenting, especially as a cycle-breaker or first-generation adult, can feel profoundly isolating. Many of my clients cannot turn to their families for support because they are doing things differently than previous generations.

Finding community, mentors, and role models is vital. And just as importantly, remembering that role models are human too. Parenting requires a village, and building that village intentionally can make all the difference.

Closing Reflections

Recording this episode reminded me why I love this work. Parenting, healing, and cycle-breaking are not easy. Sometimes love isn’t enough. But with reflection, repair, community, and support, families can create new legacies.

If you would like to listen to the full conversation, you can find it here:
🎧 Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough: Parenting Through Challenges Podcast

And if you live in New York and are navigating parenting, foster care/adoption, perinatal transitions, or breaking cycles in your own family, I would be honored to walk alongside you. You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation by emailing me at ashleyrodriguezphd@gmail.com.

✨ Affirmation to carry forward: I am doing the best I can, and I can also grow into more.